Sunday, February 14, 2010

To Facebook Friends and The Crazy Obsessed

I have removed everyone I don't know in real life from my personal Facebook and set up a blog Facebook page. I wanted to upload personal pictures for family without them being scrutinized and smeared all over the internet.

Facebook Friends, that is people who friended me because they like me, I don't want any of you to be offended, although I'm sure you understand.

The Crazy Obsessed, no worries. You still have all those personal photos of me and mine you saved to your computer, right?

So, anyone can add me and I'll confirm you. I'm listed as Emily Under, since I couldn't put Emily Under1000PerMonth.

And Happy Valentine's Day!

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Copyright Under $1000 Per Month, 2009-2010


Anonymous said...

You don't have to publish this, I just wanted to say this to you as a woman old enough to be your Mom: I'm so amazed at the resiliency of youth. I mean, here you are & Dan are, a young couple like thousands of others, loving each other, trying to follow your faith, raising your babies on a budget--you are as ubiquitous as trees. And yet, simply by blogging about your life, you get so many nasty comments about everything from your diet to your husband's dvd's. To my old soul, it is depressing, that a young woman who isn't hurting anyone--just writing about her home & kids, gets so much negative attention. Imagine if the people who insulted you (and then ran to congratulate themselves on other sires) gave that much attention to helping battered kids, or Haitian orphans, or the hungry and lonely elderly in this country. I guess that requires effort, maturity and a heart. So many comment writers seem to have none of those things.
What amazes me is how young people can say,"Oh well" and move on. I guess it's because (like my child) you all grew up with the internet, saw this type of behavior from an early age & learned to put it into context. For us more seasoned people, it's harder. So, I have decided when I read the comments in your blog I'm going to pray for each writer. Asking God to bless the other struggling Moms & those who connect with you to talk about their faith & families and frugality, and asking God to soften the hearts of those who sit in their chairs miles from you and are trying to hurt you just to feel better about themselves. Imagine the work those newly softened hearts may do in the world...
May God continue to bless you, Dan and your babies with love, joy, and perfect health.
Mrs B.

Anonymous said...

Emily you are such a wise person, I as well am amazed by all the negative comments often seen on this are protecting your family and that makes complete sense to me.

I love coming on here to find ways to frugality, life is a learning curve and even in my thirties I have much to learn :) Keep up the good work.

Have a great weekend :)

Mom in Canada

Julie said...

Good for you! I am the same way on facebook, if I don't know in real life, than I don't really want you in my virtual one.

zerohousepaymentforever said...

Well said Mrs. B!

A concerned friend said...

EMily, you have posted plenty of pictures of your family on your blog, which is on the WORLD WIDE WEB, and therefore open to anyone to read. Seriously, do you really want anyone in the world being able to look at your family, your children, your way of life? It isn't just Facebook---it is this blog, which is open to scrutiny, because you have provided so many pictures.

I have told you this before, but I will say it again: If you don't want people's scrutiny, stop posting with photos. Try to be more anonymous.

But it doesn't go both ways. You can't have privacy and public viewing to the whole world. Take your choice. I would choose privacy in a heartbeat. Too many weirdos in the world, and I wouldn't want them staring at my kids (and I am old enough to be your mother too!).

Ophelie said...

Good for you, Emily. I understand why you put your life out there on a blog -- if it wasn't for these public journals, would we have such intimate knowledge of others? Would we learn to understand different values, learn so much from each other?

Anonymous said...

I forgot to add, that although I'm old enough to be your mother I'm NOT your mother and even if I were you are an adult & can make your own choices. The net is filled with millions of pictures of kids, homes, relatives, friends. I hope some of your posters aren't going to track all of them down to chatise them. What a big ole job! :o)
Mrs B.

mishie said...

Mean people suck. Don't stop posting and sharing please ♥ you are an asset to the world with all you choose to share. I would limit personal photos not that you have shared that much on the blob IMO. I also prayer for all of those filled with so much negativity ☺

Lynn said...

I'm guessing she wants to post more personal pictures on Facebook. I'm like that.

*hugs* I'm sorry you have such weirdos on your back. I don't even blog anymore because of that sort of thing...just use a locked livejournal.

frugalredneck said...

THat sounds like a great idea, As far as posting pics on this blog, I think you have posted pics that who cares what they do with them. So they have a pic of your bathroom, Have fun looking for pete's sakes. It is just stikin awful that these freaks have nothing better to do, But the first poster is right, This internet unfortunatley lets crazies, child molesters and freaks on with the rest of us, I see it all over the place. I would not change a thing on your blog, I love the comment moderation you have, I was getting exhausted at reading all the mean crap people were writing. But having your own personal facebook is good for just family and friends that you personally know. Anyway Good luck hun, Your blog is still my #1 to read everyday!!! Michelle

Michaela Dunn Leeper said...

Mrs B, your comment made me cry, it is a very sweet & eloquent comment.

Emily, I've only commented a time or 2, but have tried to do so with dignity, even when disagreeing with you. Keep up the good work!

heather said...

in light of the situation, i understand.

but i do have to say, that i have so many friends that i've met online. as an example a group of mom's that i've "known" for over 5 years...they are as a whole so much better for me than a lot of people i know IRL. when i was sick, they were unbelievable with their kindness and support. i cherish their friendship. on occasion we do meet "for real" and also have an annual get together.

so, as for adding online people to your personal facebook page, if you "know" them-meaning that you've gotten a chance to know their heart and intentions-i don't see anything wrong with adding them. you can sort of tell the same with your commenters. if some have been routinely genuine, it's probably ok to let them in. if i came across a person i had no clue who it was, then i'd probably not accept their invite.

mrs.g said...

I removed over 400 facebook friends I didn't know IRL or really care that much for. Now my mini-feed is filled with people I care about. I assuming you consider your facebook more personal than your blog in alot of ways, I do too. Because of the popularity of your blog, you probably don't want people you don't know scrutinizing you on facebook in front of your family and friends (like they do here anonymously) that do know you. I think you made a good decision :)

simple in france said...

Emily--you are making the right move. Facebook pages can be a liability if you they are not really private. I do not mix 'business' and personal--and in a way, your blog is like a business. You make an income AND you deal with the general public. You have to keep yourself and your family protected.

And I do sort of agree with some of your readers that it might be safer to have fewer photos of you and your kids online. I know it sounds sad, and I like seeing the people I read about--but as you know from my own blog--I don't put anything on there that would allow someone to identify me or any family members. (Friends and family can obviously tell it's me, but no weirdos . . .)

Then again, having been a teacher in a former life, I am completely paranoid about internet privacy and also kids' safety online

Molly said...

Mrs. B - what a lovely comment.

Erin T. said...

I can see your point Emily! Looking forward to tomorrows blog! Have a great weekend, Erin T.

Anonymous said...

A few years ago my husband took a public relations workshop and learned a bit about dealing with the media and the public at large.
#1. Never defend yourself in public.
#2. Never say you are sorry for something you said, even if you should of never said it.
#3 Never answer loaded questions.
#4 Ignore those who question your abilities
#5 Never put your minor children on public display.

So think about these and apply them if you want...


Mommy Vision said...

Great! I'll be adding you soon!

Sarah @ MommyVision

Anonymous said...

I can totally understand removing people that you haven't "met in real life." I had a situation recently where I had an internet friend. We became very close friends over the course of a year, talked about our kids, exchanged Christmas packages, etc. My relationship with this person was as a sort of long-distance coworker, but he told me that I was like a sister. I recently had to quit working with them due to reasons that were out of my control, and he dropped me like a bad habit. He completely cut me out of his life and has not spoken to me since. I was devastated. Someone once told me that internet relationships are not real, they are just an illusion...I am beginning to think that is true.

crabcakes said...


I have weighed back and forth friending you on facebook. You know while I don't agree 100% with everything you do, I would defend your right to do it your way 100%. Hope that makes sense.

My main reservation with facebook, is that I don't want all of your blog readers to have MY real name.

I'm sorry, but some of your readers just aren't nice people. And they are the reason I hesitate seeking you out in places like facebook.

In short, mean people suck. And they ruin it for everyone.

Much respect,


crabcakes said...

PS. Em, I miss recipes! If you have anything "new" that you've been itching to share, I'm itching to read!

Daphne said...

I think it's an excellent idea to have a public arena and a personal. As always, keep doing what you do and spread love, not hate.

Anonymous said...

I will concur with the poster who said that internet "friends' are not real. This is what makes the whole internet world so weird.

I had three "special"l internet friends, with whom I shared daily emails, or IMs, even talked on the phone and met a couple of times. I no longer am in touch with any of them, because the internet creates a false sense of intimacy and friendship. But it is not real friendship, borne out of common interests or experiences, and it is not natural, since most of the time, these relationships are typing and not talking. So, they are planned and unnatural that way. It's easy to leave them behind, because they don't feel real to most people. It isn't like there is a real person behind those typed words (and yet there is!).

Be careful on a blog for the same reason. People think they know you personally, and the internet makes it easy for them to type whatever they want, although strangers would never speak this way to you in real life.

That's the caution I provide about the internet. It isn't the real world, and people do not exercise the same cautions about privacy or about courtesy. It's best to exercise caution. It's too easy for people to track you down, and it's too easy for everyone to have a false sense of closeness in this medium. All the way around, it isn't natural or normal as real life relationships are, and that is why people get themselves into trouble on-line, both by opening themselves up too much, or by thinking they can say whatever they want, because there isn't a real face behind the commenting, emails, or whatever.

I like to be anonymous on-line for these reasons.

Carla said...

Did you take the facebook page down? I cannot find it. I'm not a weird stalker person, just someone who finds you very interesting and like me in some ways.

Happily Frugal Mama said...

Yay Mrs. B! I appreciate your viewpoint and we all can use more prayers!

Jen Vogt said...

Anon - I completely disagree. You may not have formed any "real" friendships/relationships with Internet friends, but that doesn't mean it can't be done. Friendships were born through letter writing long before the Internet came to be - pen pals, for example.

There is give and take with every kind of friendship and a growth process is required no matter how you meet a new friend. While I realize this isn't true for everyone, I give 100% of myself to friends I know online just as I would with friends in person. It's me, so we're getting to know one another and sharing experiences through conversation - whether written or spoken or in person.

Emily - I think it's a great idea that you make your Facebook more personal. I hope you don't completely exclude true friendships you've made on the internet, but that's certainly up to you.

I rarely agree with the things you post, but I try my hardest not to say anything I would later regret. I know a lot of people take it entirely too far on your blog, and I feel badly about that for you. However, you know that by putting your life out there, it's free to comment upon by all.

Emily said...

Carla, here is the link. I didn't think you were a weird stalker person. (:

crabcakes said...

Internet friendships may not have worked out for one person but that doesn't mean they don't work out for everyone.

Some of my dearest friends are ones I met online. We started chatting online for years and then we met and now we maintain friendships that are closer to me than friends I've met through live day to day contact.

Shame on someone for assuming that other people's friendships must not be real. Sorry you haven't had as much luck. Maybe it's because you post offensive things like generalizing other people's relationships.

Penniless Parenting said...

I disagree with the poster who said internet friendships aren't real. I met my husband via the internet- I sure hope our friendship is real. We were in touch via the internet for 5 years before meeting in person.

Anonymous said...

Carefully typed emails are not like a conversation. There is no reading of nuance or body language, no voice intonation. That is why there is SO much misunderstanding via email and the internet that some schools will not even allow teachers to communicate with parents this way.

If some people have made lasting relationships, great, but it isn't the same as real life, no matter what. If internet friendships become real life friendships, that is different than carefully typed messages in the faceless world of the internet.

Anyone can be anyone here. It is why no one should believe anything anyone writes. People you trust could be creepy stalkers. Seriously.

Paislee said...

Haha, go back to 1995 Anonymous^. There's a whole lot more to do on the internet than just type nowadays! I'm so grateful for some of the friendships I've made over the years on the internet. Most I have VOIP'd with, gamed for countless hours with, baked RL cookies for or exchanged RL gifts with, and some I have gone on to meet face-to-face, including my husband.

PS You know what Emily? I trust you. I trust that you would not raise your boys in an environment anything less than safe and I do not question the way you choose to arrange your living space. They say a picture says a thousand words, but your character speaks volumes. Some people just simply have too much time on their hands.

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